Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has revealed that he knows a little bit about cricket but not very much about dishwashers. But dishwashers were irrelevant to Rudd's election campaign - from the very outset, he knew that Howard was washed-up.

The cricket authorities have created a hotline to put the heat on racists who abuse our dear friends, the Indian cricketers. And too right, I say - give 'em bloody curry!

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and cricket? He's remarkable! Not only does he recognise a Chinaman as a Googly ... he can hold a bloody conversation with him as well.

We don't have to WIN the human race ... just SAVE it.

The Three Wise Men at Bethlehem? I've heard they were there to sign up a promising star replacement for his poor old dad ... who hadn't scored in yonks.

Some are suggesting that the Twenty20 authorities do away with LBW. If they do this, I reckon we'd soon be heading for a NO BALL crisis - Gillie would simply stand his ground and knock the ruddy lot of 'em out of the ground!

If, in this so-called hit-and-giggle cricket, a batsman gets a fine edge and is caught in the slips, would this go down in the scorebook as a "snicker"?

Something must be done about young tennis star Maria Sharapova' s dreadful grunting, before she does serious harm to her vocal chords. If this filly carries on like this, she'll end up as a hoarse whisperer!

Jeez, doesn't Led Zepellin's guitarist Jimmy Page wear well. He's still got the double neck ... but no double chin.

President George W. Bush's miserly efforts to curb global warming look like mere chicken feed. Sadly, at this rate, the chickens will come home to roast!

I wish someone would stop Ex Prime Minister John Howard playing golf - he's made enough faux pars as it is!

Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson not very popular? Yeah, this Nelson ain't gonna make the brandy. I reckon he'll be tossed overboard long before the Libs make port.

New Australian Opposition Leader Dr Brendan Nelson is the one doctor who will probably never tell us that we're not getting enough Greens.